look at the big boy holding his toy! how cute is that! i like to think of it as hugging the giraffe not strangling it, by the way! ha ha!
baby sprout is now 3 weeks old. 3 whole weeks. things are going fine. but, at the same time things are.... weird.i remember when bean was born. when i saw her face i totally fell in love. i felt complete, whole. i was jealous when my husband got to both hold her and feed her before i did. even though it was terribly difficult at times i couldn't imagine my life without her in it.
fast forward to sprout's birth. when i saw him i thought, "he's huge" and pretty much nothing else. i never got that rush of intense love. i didn't feel jealous. i guess what i'm saying is i don't feel particularly bonded to this baby. it's not that i don't love him, because i do. he is a very sweet boy. it just makes me sad that i don't have that emotional tie to him. why don't i?
is it because having bean was a struggle and having sprout was relatively easy? is it because he's asleep all the time and i haven't had the chance to figure out who he is? is it because bean takes up all my time and i just can't take the time to get to know him? is it because he's a boy and i just don't know what to do with boys? is it because i'm so tired that i can't see past the diaper changes and feedings? is it because i secretly had a dream of two little girls running around my house and i'm still mourning the loss of that dream?
i wish i understood why i feel this way. i want to be a good mommy to him but i just don't feel like i am. sigh.
10 comments:
Well, you have to share your love with Sprout! You had Bean all to yourself, so you had more time to dwell on her. Now you have two to love. It's not that you love him less, you just have less time to share solely with him. I am sure you love them the same, but it will take time to develop the love you already have with Bean- because you have had her longer. It will come. You will look at him someday and say "oh my gosh, he is the love of my life and I love the connection I have with him" (you will say exactly that! lol). Seriously, cut yourself some slack! (Maybe it's a little postpartum, too??)
You ARE a wonderful mommy! :) Don't worry!!!
Isn't it so strange? I think the 2nd baby is just so different, and you have expectations going into it, where you didn't really know what to expect with the first baby.
I felt a little let down after Addie was born because it was just so different than it was with Em. And Brittany is totally right - you were 100% involved in Bean, it was all about her...and you just cocoon and "be" - where as you never get that same quality time with the 2nd.
BUT...when Bean ends up going to school - you get time alone with Sprout (like what we have going on now) and all of a sudden you have this very special time with your 2nd, which is so cool.
It's like you feel like you should know how it is all going to go down - you've been down the road before, right - but it is a completely different street with all kinds of curves and roadblocks to maneuver. Whew...
Isn't being a parent fun? We've all been there - you are doing great!
when we brought our baby home in december, i didn't bond with his for quite a while--over a month. it seemed like forever, but the feelings like you described with bean did come.
it's relatively common, but most people don't talk about it. i know i didn't talk about it to too many people because i didn't want them to think that i was a bad parent.
i thought that it was interesting that when i went in to see one of my specialists after steven came home, he immediately asked me if i had bonded with him. by that time, i had, but it was nice to have a doctor ask.
Lurker here. I think your feelings are very common. I didn't feel that rush of intense love w/ my first but w/ the second I definitely did. Sometimes it just takes longer to get that feeling but you will, not to worry (FYI I hate it when people say don't worry even when it's true).
Good luck! J
I have a feeling a lot of mothers feel this way, even if they don't all admit it. You listed half a down reasons why your experience has been different this time around, and they're all real, legitimate reasons! With Bean, you could just sit there for hours and gaze into her sweet face as she slept. You were in love with her, and you were in love with being a mother. But with Sprout, it's like "whew, now he's alseep and I can go deal with my other child!" A toddler demands a lot more attention than an infant...and, your relationship with Bean has had almost 3 years to grow and blossom. As you get to know Sprout more and more, your bond with him will grow. And you'll be equally in love with both your children. Hugs - you're doing great!
I think it's a little bit of all those things... I agree with brittany, someday you will look back and never know how you felt that way, but today TODAY those feelings are real, I know.
Funny thing - for me it was the other way around. I have felt much more bonded to my second baby than the first. I had a terrible recovery with my first and I didn't breastfeed him so it's been very different.
Hang in there girl, it will get SO much better! ; )
What elaine said!
And it's only 3 weeks after all :-)
I had the same problem with my cat.
(no second child remember!! :-D)
Just give it time and don't force it... the bond will come. I actually felt that way with my first - somewhat detached, like I was outside looking in. The bond wasn't instantaneous like I expected, but it came. So, try not to worry too much.
You're a terrific mom!
Oh it will come don't worry about it.
I remember when Eilidh was about 2 months old and i was doing something (cannot remember what) and she could not stop giggling . It was at that moment that it all clicked for me and i realized i loved this little creature as much as the first.
Its harder the second time, no sitting for hours staring at the bubs and spending days doing nothing but snuggling
Oddly enough- I had a hard time bonding with my first, bonded right away with my second, and had a hard time again with the third. Strange how that happens. I think you seem like a great mother- don't let it scare you that you haven't bonded the same way as you did with your first. It'll come! It had/has with mine. By the way- love reading your blog and getting to know your cute,little family!
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